Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
