i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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