Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
did i just pee glitter
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
