Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
