$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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