Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
