I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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