So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
