you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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