my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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