Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
