u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
