Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
