I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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