thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
