do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
FUCK WHALES
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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