he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
