Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
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im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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