Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
pray to the hookup gods
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
