Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
