Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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