Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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