when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
