Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
