please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I believe in your delicious
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
