this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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