I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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