god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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