It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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