doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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