Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
