i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
this is an emotional support booty call
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
