He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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