Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
