How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
