Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
