my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
