haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
