I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
