I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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