I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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