"it" just moved
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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