I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
