I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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