Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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