I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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