dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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