You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
