I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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