god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
