so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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