Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
