it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
