i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
