butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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