I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
