Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
