I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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