don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
