You work out of a Hotel?
the condom got lost in my hair
my vag is so smooth its legendary
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
