i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
