I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
