if only i could text you this smell
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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