She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
did you just send me my own nude
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
