Duck Duck Cougar?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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