So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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