I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
