I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
