if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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