There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
