Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
