Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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