just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
