Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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