you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
