I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
