SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Houston, we have a squirter
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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