Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
