the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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