he puts the penis in happiness.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
