The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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