if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
