im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
